Ugh it’s painful to read these old Megnut.com posts, so I made it through July 2000 before stopping. I fear if I keep this up, I’ll become so depressed by the amount of crap I’ve contributed to the world that I’ll give up the site entirely. Not a great start to its thirteenth year.
This post about I/O overload from March 2000 struck me. I clearly remember writing it, and the day I sat on the MUNI and realized I was too drained to do anything but sit. Also at the time I was fairly unable to just sit, to just be, until exhaustion forced me to. I was uncomfortable with the stillness that comes with stopping. There’s a lot of fear of being alone in those early posts.
Quiet time to myself is now so rare and so treasured. I could happily read on the subway if I happened to be alone but I’d also gladly just sit and watch and think. Two kids, one husband, and twelve years later I’m in a much better place. But I sure would enjoy a Saturday to myself.