An open letter to people with car alarms

Dear automotive owner,

If you happen to have a vehicle whose feature set includes a theft deterrent device, please ensure that said device turns off after, like, ten seconds of beeping. Because otherwise, on hot days such as today when I have my window open and your car is beeping and beeping for many minutes, it is possible that a large rock may tumble from its resting place on my windowsill (on the fourth floor) and (mind you, by no ill will of its own, but simply guided by the cruel force of gravity) smash your stupid beeping car to bits. That is, if you're inclined to park at the lot on the corner of White and Church.

Yours truly,


P.S. To those guests who frequent the Tribeca Grand Hotel, please consider closing your curtains when you are, as they say, "in the buff." To the gentleman staying on the seventh floor yesterday afternoon, thanks for the show. We suffered a 50% decrease in productivity as you pranced before us in all your manly glory. Please come back again soon. Tribeca welcomes you!