Megnut

A sad kind of day,

A sad kind of day, Part II (of II):

I went to the dentist in December, only to arrive at the office up in Marin and discover my appointment had been cancelled. Already exhausted by the converstations I'd left at the office, the mix-up brought me close to tears. I decided to get a sandwich, because I was starving and too upset to go back to work, and when the woman told me they were out of tuna salad, I simply burst into tears. I got into my car and cried and cried and cried.

On January 16th, every employee at Pyra was officially laid off. Every employee agreed to receive one final pay check. And every employee agreed to continue to come to the office every day, to continue to work with no guarantee of payment, all because of the faith we had in what we'd built and in the team we'd assembled. After I sat with each person and asked them to sign away their rights to all back pay and vacation pay, and after I explained COBRA and unemployment benefits, and after I thanked them for all their hard work through all the uncertain times, I went into the office bathroom and I burst into tears. And when I got home, I got into my bed and cried and cried and cried.

There comes a point when the fight drains every last ounce of strength, every last droplet of love and passion from the body. There comes a point when the unknown, in all its vastness of dark unknownness, becomes more welcoming than the day-to-day. Because there are only so many sleepless nights where one can lay in bed at 3 watching the clock tick tock till 8. There are only so many days to slog the same path, battle the same unwinable arguments, endure the same pains and heartaches.

And then the days run out, either because you die, or you decide enough is enough. Because you decide this is no way to live. Not when this thing called work first devours your life, and then, unsated still, you watch it begin to munch on the lives of those around you, those people that you love very very much.

On Monday I resigned from the company I co-founded.

I'm still crying and crying and crying.

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