Megnut

I was going to go

I was going to go mountain climbing in India this fall, but I've decided not to. I've been struggling with this decision for a while now, unsure what to do. I was torn between doing something because I'd said I'd do it and allowing myself to change my mind. Mostly the reasons I'd wanted to go didn't seem so valid anymore. I wanted to spend time away from computers, find a better balance between work and the rest of my life, spend time challenging myself in different ways than I do day-to-day, experience another region of the world, climb some really high mountains, etc. But frankly, I feel like in the past few months, I have found a much better balance between work and my life outside of it. I do spend much more time offline. And there are other things I'd rather do with my vacation time and my vacation money, things that seem much more exciting and fun to me. Part of me feels like a big chicken. I'm not good at quitting things. Usually if I say I'm going to do something, I'll do it, no matter what. A friend pointed out that this was an opportunity for me to break free of that tendency. And he was right. It was scary to call and cancel. It was scary to back out and say, "I'm not going to go," even though there was nothing scary about the decision itself.

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